Nothing At All
by RoseShower
Summary: Rainy Days, Black Umbrellas, gloomy clouds, and depressing emotions. Adrien seemed to have nothing left, nothing to care for, nothing to care for him. As he thought so, "Nothing At All". - [Suicidal!AU].
1. Nothing Wanted

Chapter 1: Nothing Wanted

 **Rating:** (T-M) Not for Children.

 **Pairings:** Adrienette, Nalya, etc.

 **Summary:** Rainy Days, black umbrellas, gloomy clouds and depressing emotions. Adrien seemed to have nothing left, nothing to care for, nothing to care for him. As he thought so, "Nothing at All". - [Suicidal!AU]

A/N: **_Hello, everyone! I hope you all enjoy this short story. Chapters will be long and hopefully not with filler, and they will all explain in depth on why Adrien is this way._** **_Characters are a bit older, 16-17 ish. Oh yeah, there's no Kwamis, so therefore, Adrien was never free. And there are villains still roaming the city._** **_It'll all make sense in the story, I promise._** **_Now, I have to warn you, this story is... sad._**

 **I do not own Miraculous Ladybug.**

* * *

 _Adrien's P.O.V_

Beloved of all, yet my existence is still nothing to me.

I don't seem to be okay anymore.

I try to be, I try to put on a happy gleaming smile everyday, but it still hurts.

I'm not okay.

Everything hurts, and I seem to become more and more hollow as more days pass by. Or maybe, I'm already as empty as I can be, though, life seems to be sucking even the air of what used to be my happiness.

I don't have friends. I don't have a father who loves me. I don't have anything at all.

Sometimes, I create an illusion that I have people around me who show me what it means to be loved, who hug me and tell me that I _am_ cared for.

That I am important, not just to some dumb company for Fashion, but to them _specifically;_ that their world without me in it will never be okay.

That without me, they'll be sad.

But no.

I'm not cared for, I'm nothing.

All I am to everyone's eyes is some model, a model who's perfect body and face stays happy and rich all the time.

And these illusions-they convince me in a way that anyone would consider crazy, but I don't care.

Not about myself, not about anyone.

Sometimes I end up crying, because I no longer can go back to imagining being comforted, or imagine getting cared for.

No, I end up back in reality.

Who I've slowly ended up accepting, besides the constant blows it throws at me.

Nobody knows what I'm going through.

Not even my closest 'servants', (as what my father wants to call everyone), let alone my father.

I tried escaping from this hell once, to breath in the sweet placid air from the outside, to go to a public school in hopes to make friends. That was 3 years ago, where I planned to make a decision one of my illusions offered me. I thought it was great, I thought it would have been best, and I really did think I was going to make it.

The workers caught me, though. And Father ordered- _demanded_ for me to never go. To never come back there, because having friends would be useless.

Having friends would be dangerous, he said to me, that having friends will only hold you back from your real goal.

I didn't seem to understand how and why that would be a bad thing. If that's everything I wanted, a single friend. Or, not even a friend, just a person to talk to.

And I'm angry, now, that after three fucking years, I'm still here, empty and alone.

I remember long ago where a girl by the name of Chloe had once told me that she would be my best friend, that she would always be there for me no matter what.

Where was she now? Now that I'm in the verge of tears, tears that haven't fallen since the death of my beloved mother.

Now, when the skies cry for me, when all I see are the black umbrellas of other people leading their free lives.

Now, where I'm standing, at the edge of a bridge where I claim to want to end myself over little things.

While here, I escaped through one of the high windows of my Father's Mansion, in order to just throw myself over out here, where I know they won't find my body in the water, just like they couldn't find my mom.

I could be happy and just meet my mother.

Now, that I'm here, with nothing wanted.

Nothing at all.

* * *

 _Narrator's P.O.V_

Marinette loved the rain.

She loved how it fell to the ground, and she just loved it when the rain smell would reach her nose.

Happy is what she could describe herself feeling, now that school was out of her way.

In truth, had her friends, which helped her feel happy.

But that wasn't the real reason she was happy today.

No, she was happy today because today, this very day, she would finally try and sign herself up to join the "Gabriel's Exquisite Vêtements" company as at least a coffee maker.

She would try now, to start off slow, and to gradually build herself to the top.

Everyone agreed to her idea, everyone told her that it _was_ possible, and to try not to become worried over what they chose.

Marinette felt confident.

"Today's the day!" She told herself cheerfully, "I really do hope that I get a job there, haha.." She muttered to herself awkwardly, looking down at the wet asphalt.

Marinette buried herself into her scarf, and inhaled the deep scent of lavender and cinnamon.

She felt giddy.

Looking up, she lowered her pink umbrella, and held out her hand to feel the rain.

Even if she felt the rain lightly prickle and land on her face, she felt relaxed when the same dew drops would land on her hand.

It felt like sharp little doe needles, like tip-tapping against a smooth glazed surface.

It felt odd to her, and she loved it.

Marinette stared up at the rain, and blinked rapidly when one of the droplets landed in her eye.

Curse her dreaded bad luck.

No matter, she still enjoyed the day.

When people began to stare at her weirdly, Marinette sheepishly raised her umbrella up again, and continued to tread on her way back home to her bakery.

That's when she heard it. The murmur among a group of some people who passed by, looking past where she stood.

" _Is that guy okay?" "Oh he'll be fine, he might just be enjoying the rain" "He looks like he might jump" "Nah, he's just looking down at the water."_

Marinette looked up, and froze when she saw a hooded figure standing by the edge of the bridge, seeming as if he were about to do something drastic.

Marinette seemed to panic when he looked over down the bridge, noticing small droplets fall from his eyes, nothing like the rain. It almost looked as if...he were crying.

Were they telling the truth...? Was he really just enjoying the view...?

She didn't know.

Honestly, she wants to help him deeply, but what if he doesn't need any help? What if she just suddenly interrupts his peace just by over-reacting?

Sighing, she was about to turn back around when she caught a bare glimpse of him tilting over, and that's when she saw it.

The hollow soul inside his eyes, who took a glance at her, before returning back to what he was about to do. His foot stepped out...

Quickly, without even thinking, Marinette ran to the bridge, opposite to her direction, and rushed to him in an attempt to stop him.

It seemed that he was about to literally _jump,_ and she cried, "Stop!" to try and see if he halted. She didn't care if other people that passed by would look at her. All she wanted to do is stop whatever was about to happen.

It seemed that he did hear her, and he turned to her, eyes widened.

Marinette caught up and dropped her purse to the floor, and reached over to pull him from the edge, to bring him closer to the firm ground. The umbrella she was holding fell to the ground, exposing her delicate body to the rain.

The Blond, as she could see his hair now that she was close, was alarmed, and he stared at her now, his green eyes still dripping tears.

"Stop...!" She huffed, looking at him now, _worried,_ "Don't..jump!"

His face contorted to one of sadness again, and he turned back towards the bridge.

It seemed that he was about to head back over there and do it, but Marinette held onto his arm tightly, much to her surprise. "Please, don't jump." She whispered, and he gloomily looked down, and then tried to part away from her touch.

He had said nothing the whole time, and Marinette, out of respect, let go, and tried not to induce anymore panic as he began to head back to the edge.

"Please, I... please listen to me. I know you don't know me," She almost let out an eep when he began to climb over, and Marinette had to stop herself from legitimately pulling him back. "I know you...I know you feel as if this is the best decision at the moment, but it's not good. I know my opinion isn't...valid for you, but please understand, that even in your state of misery, this is a choice most known to be regretful.." Marinette told him sincerely, and the blond took a look back at her.

He had no tears now, but he was still up for the decision to jump off. Somehow, she managed to keep him there, still at the edge, but at least there, still alive.

When she received no answer, she continued, and hoped that she would somehow change the boy's mind. "I know it's...terribly hard," Marinette breathed in, and exhaled, "But I promise you now, that life goes on, and it becomes better." She sadly smiled at him, raising her hands up at an attempt to bring him back to the steady floor. "Trust me, from stranger to stranger. Whatever is happening, nothing is worth losing your life over. Keep going, push on." Marinette whispered shyly, smiling sadly up at him as she held her hand out for him to hold onto.

The boy pondered in thought. He didn't know this girl. But she was right.

Even if she was, he still wanted to do it. Because he decided he waited enough, and waiting another day could just bring him into a state of psycho.

He literally struggled to make a decision. Because it was hard, it was hard because he couldn't know what would be better. He couldn't see any happiness coming for him, because he forgot what that was.

But... when he saw her there, a complete stranger holding out her hand, coping him out of the decision he was about to make, he realized something.

Maybe he might not jump, maybe he won't do just that because he's heard of people who've had worse and still pushed through.

Maybe he just needed a guidance to keep going, and just maybe, this stranger here, could possibly become someone that could do just that.

A friend, perhaps.

Taking her warm hand, he lowered himself and stood directly in front of her, still staring at her in crippling loneliness.

"Believe me, when I tell you this," Marinette started again, relieved that he took her hand, "I know what it's like to feel as if one is nothing."

The boy still held his frown, still thinking about the options here. The bridge was right there, but then again, so was she.

"You might not want to, but, I can help you..." Marinette said softly, placing her other hand over the one he kept holding, a now warm cocoon over it, "From a friend to a friend."

Adrien had doubts. Many, many doubts.

"A friend.." He muttered to himself, still staring at her dully, expressionless now.

The rain continued, landing on both of them with light taps.

"A friend." Marinette repeated, smiling happily at him.

He held onto her hand, even while she was picking up her things. And then, he saw her. He saw her there, this time, fully. He saw her there as some kind of hope. Some kind of miracle."My name's Adrien." He told her softly, and Marinette paused, looking up at him.

With the same happy smile, she held up her pink umbrella over them, so that the rain could avoid them. "Marinette. A pleasure to meet you." She told him, staring deeply into his ever so pretty emerald eyes.

Adrien, for the first time in a while, let out a small but delicate smile.

Though, even if this girl was here, he still felt empty.

He still felt nothing.

Nothing at All.

But...maybe it could change.

* * *

A/N: **_Sorry, I know this chapter's short but uh, um, forgive me please, haha._**

 ** _And uh, just before I continue with this story, I'd like to tell you all, that, you're here now, why not make the most of what you are?_**

 ** _Toodles~_**

 ** _Ana._**


	2. I'm Here

Chapter 2: I'm Here

 **Rating** : (T-M) Not for Children.

 **Pairings** : Adrienette, Nalya, Etc.

A/N: ** _Sorry for such a late update! Here you go._**

* * *

 _Adrien's P.O.V_

I had many, many doubts.

And even if I knew that it was typical of me to think that way, somehow now, I find myself thinking that it was bad having those doubts around me.

I should have doubts. That's who I am. I am a very doubtful person.

Though, a part of me hoped a bit. Hoped that this stranger, this girl, The _Marinette_ , might or will possibly assist me in these times. But these doubts hold me down. This sadness holds me down. This agonizing pain holds me down from everything I ever wanted or needed to do, and I can't help but feel hopeless. Now, however, I could faintly feel that hope. But before I could really _feel_ that emotion, it left me, and once again, I was hollow.

It pained me to remember that I could no longer feel a good and joyful emotion just like in the past. I wasn't as happy as I used to be. I know, I've said this to myself so many times; that I'm not happy, I don't think I ever will be again. I can't see myself being joyful. I can't picture myself smiling genuinely. The only illusion that makes me believe and see for myself that I am smiling, is the memory of my beloved Mother, of what it would be like if she was still with me, caressing my in her arms.

That she'd tell me I love you, over and over and over again until she would finally lose her voice.

But then she always disappeared. Just like she did so long ago.

When she passed...well, my hope and my happiness went along with her. Now, all my once gleeful emotions were replaced by negatives; sadness, anguish, anxiety, doubt.

It was all I could feel. And it scared me so much to the point that I'd rather feel nothing again.

But somehow, all of those pathetic emotions had helped me. Sometimes I remind myself of that fact, and then I ask myself ' _how_?' How _exactly_ does making me feel like absolutely nothing help?

I noticed this a long time ago. That I'm so used to feeling disappointed and upset, that I no longer can express those emotions anymore. I'm not affected.

Though...I suppose I couldn't handle it anymore. I can't. I can't. Not anymore. I can't. I repeat and repeat and repeat to myself that I just.. _.can't_. I'm not myself, I never was, and I never will be again.

Just as everyone so blandly says to me, " _You're nothing_."

They're right. They're so right. They repeat that to me everyday.

 _"You're nothing without me."_

 _"You're nothing without your riches."_

 _"You're nothing without your mother."_

 _"You're nothing but a pathetic lonesome individual who deserves to end. I hope one day your father stops showing mercy and sends you off to the place meant for you."_

And so, I decided to do what they wanted.

I left, I told myself over and over again that this will be the end. The end of this suffering I loathe deeply.

But someone else just, _appeared_ out of nowhere. She brought me down to the ground, assuring me things that I was afraid were lies.

I didn't like it that I had passed up my chance to just... _finally_ be free of this hell. Of this cruel reality that the world is something you never want to look at.

Though, this girl next to me seemed to think otherwise. And I was so... _confused._ I couldn't understand why she would worry or even care for me-a stranger that she hasn't even properly known.

It was so... _surreal_ to me. That this girl, of all people who looked different, _felt_ different, could be the one who could pull me out of such misery. Out of such an action that still seemed to welcome me. I thought to myself that I wanted to jump. That it's best for me to do so, because there won't be any drastic change. No one cares, and if there were to be someone out there who cared for me, well, it would've been too late. But she stopped me.

She came to me, out of nowhere. I-I caught her eye. From the crowd, from...all the black and white that overflowed my vision. I saw her pink umbrella. And I thought that it was another one of my illusions that was about to tell me to stop. I thought she wasn't real when I looked at her, because she was so full of color, so full of joy, so full of...

Hope.

It wasn't real. It couldn't _be_ real. I thought it wasn't real.

And because of that, I turned away, ignoring the illusion I thought she was.

I was shocked when I felt someone, something that radiated some sort of _hope_ , grasping my arm and pulling me back. And _good god_ , I finally saw her. I saw her, she was fucking real-I-I- _she was real_.

I didn't know what to say or think.

So all I did was comply. And I learned that she sounded nothing like my illusions. She sounded hopeful. Not demanding, not material-like. _Just...hopeful._

And now, she was here, I was here, next to this girl- _Marinette_. I thought that would be the end. I thought I determined myself to jump, to die. To end this misery that's already consumed me to the point of absolute non-stop torture.

But no..

I'm here.

I'm still here, standing.

And not down there, dead. Not down there where the water flowed in tremendous speed. Not down there where nobody would've found me.

Not down... _anywhere._

Except my thoughts.

I bit my lip at the sudden anxiety that swelled up beneath me. Why had I accepted this girls hand so easily? I was so doubtful...and I was so stupid for just...allowing this girl to help me.

What if she didn't know anything? What if she didn't even help me? What if she left me, like the others have done?

What if she would make me feel worse?

I couldn't...I just can't see... I _can't_ see myself ever being... _me,_ again.

It saddened me. But I held my same stoned expression, as to not look weird to the girl that was...what _was_ she doing?

I turned to her, and realized I had come face first with her own gaze. She averted her eyes, but I held mine.

I took this time to examine her closely, an advantage I thought would be of great use.

Her eyes were the most prettiest color of blue I've ever seen, and her cheeks were dusted with freckles. Her rosy lips were held up in a smile, and her button nose was blushed.

She looked pretty.

The only girls I've ever looked at were other models or workers, and they always wore some sort of makeup. It surprised me that she looked so beautiful without the decorations.

I felt exposed when she abruptly turned to me, expression soft and sad. She looked genuinely happy though..

"Adrien, I'm glad you're here." Marinette whispered to me, and I didn't have a reaction to that.

I felt nothing but the smallest spark...of what I barely recognized as hope.

Would she change me?

"You are...glad...?" I breathed, widening my eyes the slightest bit. I found myself hoping. But it went away again. "You don't know me." I found myself whispering, and turned my eyes to the wet concrete below us, tracing the small cracks that passed by under our feet.

Marinette seemed surprised when I told her; I could basically feel it.

But then I felt something else, and her hand that I completely forgot was holding mine, tightened ever so little.

"You're right..." She breathed, tuning out the pitter-patter sound of the raindrops hitting the umbrella. "So I'll get to know you." She said to me warmly, and I turned sharply towards her direction, expressionless.

I don't know anymore. I can't think properly anymore. Well-actually, I never had. I never knew anything. I never thought something through.

That's what I've been told my whole life, at least. I am nothing of importance.

I am nothing.

Nothing at all.

But I'm beginning to doubt that thought as well.

* * *

 _Narrator's P.O.V_

The rain was coming down in viscous waves of sprinkling hail, hitting the ground in loud yet quiet tips and taps. As the people who were out at the time started scrambling for shelter, Marinette remained calm, still unknowingly holding onto Adrien's hand that tightened ever so much.

Her thoughts were clouded over the rain, trying to find a way to promise what she said.

Marinette thought about what _he_ said as well. And it was sad when she knew he was right.

She didn't know him, hell, she didn't even get a good look at his face. All she managed to catch was his green eyes, and the blond color of his hair.

All she knew about him was that his name was Adrien, and that he was depressed up to the point of self-harm.

Marinette heaved a sad sigh. If she really meant what she said, she would gladly start _now_ by getting to know him. But would that be odd? Would that make him uncomfortable?

She bit her lip. Oh well. If she was going to help, she's determined to do it starting now.

"What's your favorite color?" Marinette asked him abruptly, a simple question only.

It seemed that he couldn't think of anything. All he repeated to himself was "What _was_ my favorite color?"

"Mine's pink." Marinette told him, smiling shyly as she gripped her umbrella ever so tightly. Maybe if she opens up her own self, he might do the same.

He seemed bothered about the fact. Pink. How did she like that color? _Why_ would she like that color? It is only but a simple color.

Adrien seemed confused, and then focused. It reminded him of someone...someone he missed to death.

It took him a while to answer, but when he did, Marinette couldn't have guessed something else.

"I like... green." He muttered to her, a picture of his mother flashing before his eyes.

Marinette felt herself smile at the small response.

Maybe he was beginning to change.

* * *

Alya smacked her palm against her forehead in annoyance, frowning to herself as she took in her fallen 'friend' holding what used to be a box of chocolate cookies.

"Damn it, Nino. Now what are we going to give to Marinette when she comes back from taking that internship?" Alya scolded, helping him up as he held onto the box of what was left of the cookies.

"Chill out, Alya. There's still some cookies left." Nino said sheepishly, ignoring the six fallen cookies.

Alya sighed. "You're lucky we still have a few hours left until she comes back." She muttered, picking up the cookies to eat for herself despite them being a little dirty. Who was she to let good cookies go to waste?

"Are you two alright?" Tom called from the kitchen area, coming in with a small little cake in his hands.

Alya smiled at Mr. Dupain nicely. "Perfectly fine! We just...we just need some more cookies." Alya sheepishly asked, making Nino turn around to show him the box.

Tom chuckled. "Well, alright then. Sabine will get them right for you! She's almost done with another batch, anyway." Tom explained happily, and went back into the kitchen, leaving the cake there waiting to be decorated.

Alya released a sigh of relief, and then glared at Nino. "Try not to drop them again, alright?" Alya warned, pointing a fallen cookie at him before biting onto it.

Nino cringed as she bit into the cookie, nodding. "Um...those fell on the floor." He pointed out.

Alya shrugged as she stuffed a whole cookie in her mouth. "So? Cookies are cookies."

Nino eyed them. "Then...can I have one?"

Alya rolled her eyes but handed him one anyway.

That's when the bell of the bakery chimed, catching their attention.

Alya swallowed her cookie and was about to tell the person that they were closed for the day, until the words died in her mouth when she found Marinette standing right in the doorway, holding some stranger's hand.

Nino choked on the cookie piece he was currently eating, and wheezed a bit until he coughed it out, landing right beside his shoe.

"Hey you guys. What are you two doing here?" Marinette asked, raising a brow.

Adrien remained silent as his heart accelerated. Who were these people? Did she not live alone like he did?

Alya took a look at their hands holding, then at Nino, who also did the same.

"Uhh...you guys?" Marinette squeaked, confused.

"Here are some fresh cookies, my darlings!" Sabine said cheerfully as she entered the room, and almost dropped her tray when she saw her only daughter holding onto a boys hand.

Everyone was silent, and this was overwhelming the poor Golden Boy.

So, in reaction, he retreated a bit back and tightened his hold on Marinette's hand, scared. Were they going to yell at him? Were they going to kick them out?

Alya was the first to speak.

Letting out a piercing squeal that deafened everyone in the room, Alya rushed to Marinette and embraced both of them in a hug, squishing them tightly.

Adrien had forgotten what it felt like to be hugged. Was this a hug? This type of hug hurt.

Marinette wheezed and that's when Alya pulled away, muttering out a sorry. "Agh! I can't believe it! You got yourself a boyfriend!" Alya said happily, clapping her hands.

That's when Tom instantly barged himself into the room, almost knocking out his wife in the process. After muttering out an 'I'm so sorry honey', he looked around, and locked eyes with Adrien, who was beyond confused.

Nino was still standing there, mouth open wide.

It took Tom a moment to process what exactly was happening, until he finally let out a below of joy, which made both Marinette and Adrien jump.

"My baby girl has gotten herself a man!" Tom said cheerfully, picking up his wife who had carefully placed the tray of cookies down to congratulate her daughter.

Sabine laughed as he twirled her around, Alya joining in while pulling Nino who desperately tried to escape.

Both Adrien and Marinette were completely confused, Marinette because her parents actually thought she had a boyfriend, and Adrien because he didn't exactly know what a boyfriend meant.

After placing Sabine back down, she quickly scurried over to examine Adrien, grinning to herself as she approached.

Marinette stepped forwards though, smiling timidly at her mom. "Um. Mom?" Marinette whispered, everyone else too busy talking about some sort of wedding plans.

"Yes, sweetie? Are you going to talk about your wedding dress? Perhaps?" Sabine asked as she looked over Marinette's shoulder, desperately trying to get a look at the boy.

"Mom, please. This isn't what you think." Marinette giggled nervously, feeling Adrien's hand clenching her own.

Sabine stopped for a second. "Oh?" She asked, confused.

Marinette sighed. "Mom, I know you must feel...very happy right now..." Marinette began slowly.

"Very!" Sabine said, clasping her hands together in front of her chest.

"But...if you don't mind, or well, if all of you don't mind, I have some important stuff I need to do. He's here to help me out, okay?" Marinette finished, sweating a bit from being nervous.

Sabine only smiled. "Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. Of course, we'll leave you both too it. Just be sure if you have time later tonight to bring him to dinner, he isn't leaving this house without a full stomach." Sabine told her sternly, and Marinette nodded.

After Sabine went back, Adrien loosened his tightened hold, and relaxed a bit when the others were still talking.

What had she said? He was going to help her? Was she using him?

"Adrien?" Marinette whispered, pulling him along.

He snapped out of whatever phobia he was on, and dejectedly turned to her.

"Are you okay?" She asked sweetly, frowning.

Was he okay?

No, not really.

"Yes..." He answered anyway, because what would a little white lie hurt?

Marinette knew he wasn't. But she was determined to help him out.

* * *

A/N: **_Oh hey, long time no see. Love you guys, just saying._**

 ** _If you have any questions, just remember to go ask on my on my profile!_**

 ** _Toodles~_**

 ** _Ana._**


End file.
